Lord of the Bling Ring

The hit show Pretty Wild follows three young teenagers: Tess, Gabby and Alexis Neiers as they navigate their way through the trials and tribulations of adolescence. Sounds like a nice half hour of programming on the miracle network E! doesn't it.

Wrong, these girls are fucked, fucked, fucked (sorry for the swearing younger viewers), But seriously the level of absurdity in this show is off the charts. Every episode Tess, Gabby and Alexis break down. Now, I am not talking a Real Housewives of whatever breakdown, or an Oprah episode where she has to ask the viewers to take their children out of the room breakdown or even a Tyra breakdown. No, I am talking about a snot bubble, red faced, mental collapse.

Oh yeah, and once one starts they all start crying, and then the mother starts crying. But OK, here is the joke: they practice "The Secret" which is supposed to be one of the most meditative, calming and empowering philosophies out there.

I have actually met several people who believe in "The Secret" who are bat-shit crazy!

Anyway, maybe all this tension is stemming from the fact that this past week Alexis Neiers (the eldest sister) pleaded no contest to her part in a series of burglaries that has sent shock waves through Hollywood! The infamous "Bling Ring" allegedly stole property from Audrina Patridge, Paris Hilton and the almighty Orlando Bloom.

And as we all know it takes an Elf to do a socialite's job, and hence earlier this week Orlando testified in court. You go Orlando, don't let these little bitches steal your swords, or your rings, or any other kind of medieval memorabilia you own. You are a national treasure and don't you forget it. Only a true pirate could testifying in court against a teenage girl who got drunk and made a bad mistake. Are you still making movies Orlando??? Relax, I am not hating on Orlando: I loved Elizabethtown. I just think, no one is perfect and the sentence that Alexis received was "way harsh" (Cluless quote).

When asked how she was going to deal with her sentence. Alexis has said that Buddha and meditating will help her. Well that sounds like a great plan, you know Buddha seems to be really helping everyone. Wasn't Tiger Woods a big Buddha believer as well. Maybe it's time people start going back to drinking and smoking to deal with stress like they did in the Eighties. At least that way you'll be drunk when you get arrested.

Alexis you stay strong in the slammer and Orlando you stay hot in the sun!
Three years from now the two of you will be dating each other!