Buying a book at The Strand

BUYING A BOOK AT THE STRAND
INT. THE STRAND BOOKSTORE-SUNSET

Liam enters the store and begins to look around. He goes up
to the counter.

LIAM
Hi, can you tell me where the early
Russian history section is?

APPLE
Umm yeah.... If you go downstairs.
I think it’s somewhere around
there.

LIAM
Ok, and how do I get there, this is
my first time in the store, so if
you could just help me find the
section.....this place is so big!

APPLE
Listen, I don’t know what small
Amish village you just trotted on
your donkey out of, but I can’t
just hold your hand through life.
Find it yourself. Just look for the
alphabetized category and walk!

LIAM
I am not asking you to hold my hand
through life and I’m not Amish. I
just thought since you work here,
you would be able to direct me to
right section.

APPLE
Well, I have a lot of things to do,
and helping you through your mild
nervous breakdown is not on my
list.

LIAM
Ok, I’m not having a nervous
breakdown, but don’t worry I will
find it myself. Thanks a lot.
Liam rolls his eyes.

APPLE
Are you yelling at me? Ok, you know
what, this energy is just totally
funky and I don’t think we can have
this at The Strand. I am going to
need to get my manager. Zaz, I need
you!

Apple begins to cry. She takes out her nose ring to blows her
nose. Liam looks totally confused.

ZAZ
What’s the problem, Apple?

APPLE
This guy is making me feel like
(sob) I am a bad sales person
because I am a woman. He is just a
prick misogynistic racist.

LIAM
Whoa!!! I am none of those things,
I just came in here to see if I
could buy a Russian history book
for my class, I got horrible
costumer service and wanted to
leave. However, your employee here
has decided to make this into her
little personal pity party.

ZAZ
Listen man, you are gonna have to
stop yourself before you pop
yourself.

LIAM
What?

ZAZ
It’s new, you’ll get used to it.
But sir, this is The Strand, we
stand for peace, love and books. I
am gonna have to kindly ask you to
leave.

LIAM
Yeah, I will, happily.

ZAZ
Ok, see you later, and thanks again
for coming.

Apple bangs her head down on the counter and is hysterically
crying.

APPLE
I hate my life!

Zaz is chanting.

ZAZ
Love, love, love, love, books,
books, books.......

LIAM
Freaks!

End.