Dame Judi Dench writes a letter to her agent

INT. A CASTLE IN ENGLAND-DAY.

Dame Judi Dench is writing a letter to her agent with a quill
pen.

DAME JUDI DENCH

Dear Ari Gold, this year I would
like to focus primarily on biopics,
ones that have the same premise,
same drab dialogue and same
intrusive direction but with
different subjects. For example, J.
Edgar Hoover and Marlyn Monroe. I
would like to play a similar
character in both movies, maybe
there is a way that I could work
with the writer for both films in
order to create dialogue that is akin to one
another. For example if I say “Marilyn, do
what’s best for your life”. I could
say “Edgar, do what’s best for your
life”. It will allow me to memorize
once a day and give me more time to
nap. Alright, moving on to
wardrobe. I would like to wear one
shirt, one skirt, and one handsome
hat for all the roles I choose to
do this year. This will cut down on
production costs and really, let’s
face it, does anyone really care
about what I’m wearing? I will
request to wear no make-up as I do
in all of my films, as you know.
And finally Ari, I would like to
stay in my castle here in England,
and I will film my scenes with my
staff, and then we will send the
final product to the studios, by
boat of course. Then they can
splice and dice and do whatever it
is that they do to make me look
like I’m actually talking to
whatever twit is calling themselves
an “actor” these days. I don’t
think my requests are to much to
ask, and I will need your response
by the end of day break or when the
clock tower strikes twelve. Now, I
must get back to my subjects. God
Speed and God Save the Queen.

Yours, Juds