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Monday, October 3, 2011

Gene Simmon's Vows


Gene and Shannon are at the altar, the guests are watching intently.

Dear Shannon, today I marry you, and I am really super stoked. I know you are the one because you let me sleep with other women. You understand that little Gene cannot be tied down to one cave, he has to see other lands and other territories. Your cave is special but it just really isn’t enough. I know we have had problems in the past and now I am ready to turn a new leaf and be legally committed to you, but sexually committed to many others. I am moderately excited by your body, however, sometimes it does disgust me and turn me off, especially your jowls, ughghhhhhh!. But you have a great personality. And that makes up for it. You are also really neat. We have been together for eighteen years, but it feels like it has been fifty-five. I promise to make the bed in the morning, roll my own joints, and clean up my own puke. Today is one of the seventh happiest days of my life. So Shannon, I love you, and remember after we're hitched, don’t get mad when after a few Jack and Cokes I am Supermanning one of the bridesmaids, most likely you.
(he points to the hottest one)
‘Cause, remember that’s the deal!

He looks at the priest.

Do we kiss now?

He opens his mouth, extends his tongue and licks her face.

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