I Love Her

INT. OFFICE.

Ed is at his cubicle. David walks up.

ED
Hey, David! How’s the weekend looking, my main man?

DAVID
It’s looking pretty good, gonna hangout with my kids, maybe look at some Halloween costumes. You?

ED
I’ll probably take her out.

DAVID
Oh, sounds like fun.

ED
It’s our anniversary and I really want to make it special.

DAVID
How many years have you guys been together?

ED
Coming up on seven.

DAVID
Wow, seven years, that’s really an inspiration!

ED
Thanks, it just takes commitment and love.

DAVID
Yup. How did you guys meet?

ED
It was a glorious, sunny, fall day. I saw her sitting on the corner of 23rd and 8th Avenue. She looked
so beautiful. I knew she was the one for me when I introduced myself and she just hummed with joy!

DAVID
That’s a really cool story.

ED
Yeah, by the end of the week, she was mine. I’ve never been so happy in my life. Ever.

DAVID
Wow, a week! You must have really known she was the one.

ED
Yes, I did. Those headlights.

David is a little confused.

DAVID
I get ya, I like a pair of nice big headlights myself? Well, I should get back to work.

ED
Just one last question: do you think I should get flowers or jewelry?

DAVID
Umm, well what does she like?

ED
Well, she really likes oil, but that can get pricey.

DAVID
What?!?! Oil?

ED
Yeah, she can’t get enough of the stuff.

DAVID
Okay, I really have to get back.

ED
Do you think I should store her Upstate or in Queens this winter?

DAVID
Store her? I’m sorry, I know you’re my boss, but you are extremely misogynistic and I actually feel horrible for your wife.

ED
That’s a little rude.

DAVID
Me, rude? You’re talking about your  wife.

ED
MY WIFE!!! Are you kidding me. I’m never getting married, I’m talking about my Phantom Coupé Rolls-Royce Motor Car.

DAVID
Oh.

ED
It’s the best and longest relationship I’ve every had, and for you to disrespect it, just makes me want to rip your head off.

He forcefully shows him a picture of him and the car with a Christmas tree behind them.

DAVID
I’m sorry I didn’t know.

ED
You know what, just because I don’t have a relationship with a real person doesn’t discredit it! We do everything a normal couple can do. Except baths. Baths can get tricky!

DAVID
I’m sorry.

ED
You know what, you’re fired! Get outta here!

DAVID
I’m sorry.

David leaves sheepishly. Ed picks up the phone, and pretends to dial.

ED
Hey, baby.... yeah you’ll never guess what just happened tonight.

End.