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Sunday, September 9, 2012

Greedy Streedy

EXT. AN OUTDOOR FESTIVAL

Krystal and Jeremy are walking. They see a street performer, who looks and sounds like Ricky Gervais. He is wearing a clown outfit. They stop and watch him.

STREET PERFORMER
Hello ladies and gentleman, welcome to my show.

The crowd of about five people look at each other and nod awkwardly.

JEREMY
Should we watch this?

KRYSTAL
Looks, interesting.

STREET PERFORMER
Okay, now before I can get started, I need a bigger crowd and so we will wait.

MAN 1
This is annoying. I’m leaving

STREET PERFORMER
I wouldn’t do that if I were you, If you walk away right now I will ridicule you so severely, that you will literally need years of therapy to deal with it.

He smiles meanly.

MAN 1
Okay, well, I guess we can wait. But can you get on with the show.

STREET PERFORMER
I will get on with it.

He begins to clean one of his “prop” knives, with a menacing look.
They all ( the street performer, and six audience members, two of them being Jeremy and Krystal) wait an hour.

MAN 3
No one else is coming. Start the show.

STREET PERFORMER
I guess your right, we will start the show. But before we do that, I want to talk to everyone a little bit about donations.

KRSYTAL (MUMBLING)
Are you kidding me?

JEREMY (MUMBLING BACK)
I know but if we leave, he will ridicule us. I can’t be ridiculed, not again.

KRSYTAL
Okay, but if he doesn’t start soon, we are so out of here.

STREET PERFORMER
Okay, so I know some of you think that I’m just a street performer. But I have worked hard all of my life. I have struggled, I have swallowed flames, I have fallen off buildings and I have ingested enough helium to last me four or five lifetimes, and all I’m asking in return is a small donations of maybe $100-$200 a person.  

KRYSTAL
What? No. We could have gone to a Broadway show for that kind of money.

JEREMY
Okay, we are leaving.

Jeremy and Krystal start to leave.

STREET PERFORMER
Excuse me, Kate and William, just where do you think you’re going?

JEREMY
We are leaving, this show is awful, we have been here for two hours, you have done nothing, and you want us to pay you hundreds of dollars.

STREET PERFORMER
And it’s worth every penny, I just haven’t gotten to my grand finale yet.

JEREMY
You’re grand finale, you haven’t done anything.

STREET PERFORMER
Well, like I said earlier, I really don’t think you want to do that. You wouldn’t want me to accidentally tell everyone about the fact that you still suck your thumb.

Jeremy is mortified.

JEREMY
How did you know that?

STREET PERFORMER
Calluses on your thumbs, your tongue flapping around your mouth like a salamander, and your ever increasing need to suck when embarrassed as shown right this instant.

KRYSTAL
Stop harassing him, we are leaving.

STREET PERFORMER
Oh, Krystal.

KRSYTAL
How did you know my name.

STREET PERFORMER
All of your personal items, like your clothing, are labeled.
Krystal trying desperately to cover her name on her shirt.

KRYSTAL
Freak.

STREET PERFORMER
Oh...I’m not the freak, I’m not the one plucks her chin hairs.

KRSYTAL
How did you know that.

STREET PERFORMER
I could see those scares from miles away.

KTYSTAL (ON THE BRINK OF TEARS)
You’re so mean.

STREET PERFORMER
It can all go away if you just stay and watch my show and give me a small donations.

KRSYTAL
Okay, okay.

JEREMY
Fine, here is 100$ from each of us, let’s just get this over with.

He takes out a chair and starts talking to it.

End.

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