Honey Boo Boo's First Day of School

INT. A SCHOOL CLASSROOM.

The teacher is greeting the children. Honey Boo Boo enters. She is wearing a tutu, a tiara, hot pink lipstick and an “I hate Mondays” T-shirt.

TEACHER
Hello, welcome!

HONEY BOO BOO
Move over, lady, Honey Boo Boo Child is in the house!

She says it with that weird head bob.

TEACHER
Is your mother with you?

HONEY BOO BOO
My mamma don’t get up before lunch, everyone knows that. Honey Boo Boo Child!

TEACHER
What’s your real name?

HONEY BOO BOO
Honey Boo Boo Child.

TEACHER
Okay, but I know you have another name.

HONEY BOO BOO
Whatever, I have to leave in half an hour ‘cause I have a pageant.

TEACHER
But, that’s barely half a day. That is not acceptable. When your mother comes to pick you up, I’m gonna talk to her.

HONEY BOO BOO
My mama don’t pick me up, Honey Boo Boo Child hitches, everyone knows that. I ain’t no rich kid, ma’am.

TEACHER
Okay.

Three minutes later. Honey Boo Boo Child is sleeping.

TEACHER (BEGRUDGINGLY)
Honey Boo Boo Child, can you wake up?

HONEY BOO BOO
Is it time to cut coupons, mama?

TEACHER
No, we are all reading a story. Would you like to join us?

HONEY BOO BOO
Okay, but can I show you my pageant dance later? Y’all have a pole here?

TEACHER
No..... god no.

EXT. PLAYGROUND

Three minutes after that. Honey Boo Boo has the biggest boy in the class in a head lock. Teacher comes running.

TEACHER
Honey Boo Boo Child No! We don’t hurt our friends. Release him Honey Boo Boo Child.

HONEY BOO BOO
He said he wanted to be my friend.

TEACHER
Okay, I don’t see anything wrong with that, why don’t you want to be his friend?

HONEY BOO BOO
My mama said never to trust anyone outside the family.

TEACHER
Okay, well you can trust your friends and your teacher.

HONEY BOO BOO
Honey Boo Boo Child don’t trust nobody. Except for my daddy and my dog!

Honey Boo Boo Child’s mother arrives. She doesn’t come in, she just yells from the parking lot.

HONEY BOO BOO CHILD’S MOTHER
Honey Boo Boo Child! Honey Boo Boo Child! HONEY BOO BOO CHILD

HONEY BOO BOO
Mama!, Ma--a-aaaamaaa! MAMA!

TEACHER
Okay, we don’t need to yell. Can you come out of the car?

HONEY BOO BOO CHILD’S MOTHER
No ma’am, We gotta get down to Path Mart, I’m gonna go for one of my biggest hauls yet. And Honey Boo Boo is my little Coupon Queen.

HONEY BOO BOO
COUPON QUEEN! (head bob)

HONEY BOO BOO CHILD’S MOTHER
Then we gotta go bleach her teeth! We ain’t gotta time for schooling. We gotta make some cash.

HONEY BOO BOO
Cash, cash, cash!

Honey Boo Boo runs into the car.

TEACHER
I need a drink.

End.