Imogene

INT. A CAR
A husband and wife pull up to the Piggly Wiggly, in Augusta, Kentucky.

ANGELA
Okay, so I just have to run in and grab some cat food, cause we probably won’t have time after the movie.

JAMES
No problem, just make it quick, it starts in like ten minutes.

ANGELA
In and out!

Angela enters the store, grabs the cat food and waits in line. The store is pretty busy, she jumps in the shortest line (which is still pretty long). She can’t see what’s happening at the front of the line, but there seems to be a bit of commotion.

ANGELA (CONT’D)
Do you know what’s going on up there.

TED
Oh that’s just Imogene. We are gonna be here for hours.

ANGELA
What now?

TED
Oh, she just buys loads of junk that she don’t need, just because it saves her money.  She once bought 52 bottles of mustard for like, a dollar. They’re called Extreme Couponers, or some such. I think she was on the TV once. 

ANGELA
No! I don’t have time for bottles of mustard.....I have to get to the movie. Channing Tatum......

TED
Yeah, this looks like a huge haul, you should get comfortable.
Cut to front of the line.

IMOGENE
Alright, y’all this is it. This is one of my biggest hauls ever! I’m hoping to get these twenty carts of groceries filled with, 1000 cartons of toothpaste, 979 jars of pickles, 845 bags of Doritos Hot and Spicy, 742 bottles of laundry detergent, 632 rolls of film (for a camera that takes film), 534 yogurts, 423 jars of jam, 306 hot pockets, 245 bottles of vinegar, 102 bags of rice and 36 cans of sardines for zero dollars. Do you think I can do it ya’ll?

Imogene tries to get a “woop woop” from the crowd, but only gets looks of annoyance.

CASHIER
Okay, so before coupons your total is $3457.42.

IMOGENE
Oh Lordy!! My heart is palpating.

She talks to a non-existent camera crew.

CASHIER
Okay, you got your coupons.

She takes out a folder that looks like it was bought in the eighties, which is filled to the rim with coupons.

IMOGENE
Alright, alright, are we gonna do this or not!

She turns to the crowd again.

IMOGENE (CONT’D)
I think I see a lot of law breakers up in here.

No one gets the reference, they still look annoyed.

Cut to Angela at the back of the line.

ANGELA
Who does this woman think she is?

TED
She’s an Extreme Couponer.

ANGELA
No, I know who she is, but what gives her the right to hold everyone else up. They should have separate lines for people like this.

TED
They used to do it, but Extreme Couponing has become so popular that there are no regulations, it’s just chaos. The government really need to intervene.

ANGELA
Well, I’m gonna say something.

TED
Nooooooooooooooooooo!!! You don’t know what your dealing with.

Angela makes her way to the front of the line, where she sees Imogene desperately handing coupons to the cashier. We hear  the sound of the machine as it reduces the price. She actually gets money back from the store in the amount of $230.

ANGELA
Excuse me, you have made us all wait. Can you please hurry this up.
Angela is again talking to a non-existent camera crew about her amazing savings and profit from this shopping haul. Angela cuts her off.

ANGELA (CONT’D)
Did you hear what I said?

IMOGENE
Honey, your in my shot.

ANGELA
What shot? You’re delusional.

ANGELA
I don’t know what got your nickers in a twist, but I’m an Extreme Couponer, everyone around these parts knows you have to wait.

ANGELA
Well, I think it’s disgusting, and really you’re just contributing to the ever increasing problem that is our ailing economy. I just wanted to buy a can of cat food.

IMOGENE
I don’t know what any of those words mean, but if you ever want to take some cat food, I have 3000 crates stacked up in my bedroom.

ANGELA
Grrrr.......

Angela returns to the car. She is dazed and confused.

JAMES
Well, the movie finished about a hour ago.

ANGELA
Imogene....

JAMES
Let’s go home, I think there’s a marathon of Toddlers and Tiara’s on. We could order food......

ANGELA
Okay.

They drive off.

ANGELA (CONT’D)
Do you think we should start couponing?

End.