Miley's

INT. A HAIR SALON IN WEST HOLLYWOOD

The gaudy, brightly lit sign outside proclaims: MILEY’S.  The M and the I make a smile!

Krista, an idiot, walks into the salon

MILEY
Okay, what are we doing today?

KRISTA
Just a trim. Lose the split ends.

MILEY
No. I don’t think so girl.

KRISTA
What do you mean no?

MILEY
I think it would be more fun to just blindfold you, take you for a drive, stick your head out the window and see what happens. That’s what I did for my hair, and let’s face it, you want to be me or you wouldn’t be here.

KRISTA
Well, do you think it will help me with my acting career?

MILEY
Definitely.

Cut to after the drive. Krista’s hair looks horrible. She loves it!

MILEY (CONT’D)
I love this work, I feel so rustic. Maybe I’ll write a song about it.

Miley breaks out into cacophony.

Jacob, another idiot, walk in.

JACOB
Hey, Miley.

MILEY
Hey Jacob. What’s going down? Do you want me to butcher your hair?

JACOB
Yeah, I want you to like totally destroy it! Like literally, I actually want pieces of my hair to fall off due to damage. I heard that’s what Johnny Depp does.

MILEY
Awesome, I haven’t done a demolition “do” in a while.

JACOB
Great.

MILEY
Okay, you know the drill, go put on the flame resistant suit. Yeah, this is gonna be fun.

JACOB
Great.

MILEY
Don’t forget the face mask.

Jacob puts on the outfit. He looks like he could cook Meth with Walter White.

MILEY (CONT’D)
Gnarly dude! You look friggin’ amazeballs! Okay, so follow me into the torture chamber.

JACOB
Great.

They both enter a red room, with whips and chains hanging from the walls.

MILEY
Okay, I’m gonna bind your hands now.

JACOB
Great.

Miley ties his hands. Takes out some gardening shears. Begins to hack at the hair.

MILEY
This is gonna look so sick. Do you want me to flame it.

JACOB
Great..... Do you think this is gonna help me with my acting career?

MILEY
Of course.

Miley takes out a blow torch and begins to burn Jacob’s hair.

MILEY (CONT’D)
All done, my main man.

Jacob leaves. His hair looks horrible. He loves it.

MILEY (CONT’D)
Another satisfied costumer!

Billy Ray Cyrus enters.

MILEY (CONT’D)
Hey dad!

BILLY RAY
Hey kid!

MILEY
The usual?

BILLY RAY
Of course, you’ve been cutting my hair since you’ve been a baby, why stop now.

MILEY
Oh dad!

End.