Affection Adverse

AFFECTION ADVERSE
INT. AN APARTMENT.

A couple are lying in bed.

MARY
Did you set the alarm?

PATRICK
Yup.

MARY
Okay, see you in the morning.

PATRICK
Good night, I love you.

MARY
Good night! I can moderately tolerate you.

PATRICK
I know, I love your honesty.

MARY
That’s why you love me.

PATRICK
Sure is. Good night.

Cut to.
INT. MARY’S OFFICE.

MARY
Hi Patty.

PATTY
Oh, hi Mary, thank you so much for helping me out with all the mailing yesterday. That took forever.

MARY
I know, tell me about it.

PATTY
I really appreciate you Mary, you’re a big asset here at the firm.

MARY
Oh thanks Patty, I can barely put up with you.

PATTY
Excuse me.

MARY
Oh, I just don’t believe in giving people false affection. I just tell you how I really feel when I feel it.

PATTY
That’s pretty harsh, honest, but incredibly harsh.

MARY
I just don’t like lying to people about the way that I feel about them.

PATTY
Okay.

Cut to.
A funeral.

PRIEST
Thank you for doing all of this Mary.

MARY
You’re welcome.

PRIEST
Sophia was an elderly woman, but she really respected you.

MARY
Yeah, she usually disappointed me on a daily basis, but what can you do.

PRIEST
She is barely in the ground, how can you be so mean to her?

MARY
I’m not mean, I really liked Sophia, I just don’t believe in giving false affection.

PRIEST.
Youths.

Cut to.
A grocery store.

GROCER
Can you move it forward? You’re holding up the line.

MARY
Sure.

GROCER
Just start unloading your groceries. You’re really getting on my nerves.

MARY
Go on.

GROCER
What?

MARY
I just want to know how I’m annoying you.

GROCER
You’re an annoying, stupid customer, now move it along.

MARY
I love you!!!!!

CROCER
What?

End.