Literal Facebook

INT. A BAR

A group of friends are sitting at the bar talking and hanging out.

JERRY
I love that the weather is changing.

SANDRA
I know, it’s been so much cooler and nicer.

JERRY
I love it.

CHRIS
Hashtag fall, hashtag love it, hashtag weather.

JERRY
Ha! Hashtag, that’s a good one.

They drink awkwardly.

CHRIS
Pumpkins!

SANDRA
I know they’re some really big pumpkins up front.

CHRIS
Amazballs, hashtag pumpkins!

SANDRA
Right. Are you on your phone or something?

CHRIS
I love my new shoes! Check em’ out. Instagram!

SANDRA
What?1?

Everyone drinks in silence.

JERRY
Did you book those tickets for Hawaii?

CHRIS
HAWAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!

JERRY
Ow, that really hurts my ears. Resting on one vowel like that is super annoying!

SANDRA
Yeah, wow. The whole bar can hear you.

CHRIS
You know who else can hear my voice? Republicans! I HATE MITT ROMNEY SO MUCH I WANT TO SMASH HIS FACE IN!!!! I also hate people who don’t get FRACKING. FRACKING, FRACKING, FRACKING. I HATE GEORGE BUSH. PAUL RYAN LOOKS LIKE A DISEASED FISH! RECYCLE PEOPLE, DON’T YOU GET WE ARE HURTING THE ENVIRONMENT. DON’T YOU KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING IN SYRIA, GET A CLUE. WHY CAN’T PEOPLE UNDERSTAND POLITICS. HURRICANE SANDY, MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JERRY
We do, and seriously dude, why are you yelling? We could get kicked out.

CHRIS
Cat picture! Baby picture! Picture of my food! Hashtag.

JERRY
Are you showing me pictures or just telling me?

CHRIS
I RAN 16 MILES TODAY!!!!!

SANDRA
Okay, seriously. What the hell?

CHRIS
WTF!!!!!! hashtag podcast! Check out my podcast.

JERRY
Okay so you’re just talking in Facebook status updates. Why?

CHRIS
I GOT 1000 VIEWS ON MY CAT VIDEO!!!!

SANDRA
Great, but why are you screaming???????

JERRY
And talking like that?

CHRIS
SPOILER ALERT!!!!!! Hashtag, it’s new. Try it.

JERRY
I hate this, I hope it doesn’t catch on.

CHRIS
I MADE THIS ALL BY MYSELF!!!!

SANDRA
What did you make?

CHRIS
Please, please, please donate to my cause, please give me money.

SANDRA
Uggghh, no. You’re getting kind of annoying.

JERRY
Yeah.

CHRIS
I am so happy, look how happy I am!

Chris is smiling awkwardly. Jerry and Sandra leave.

End.