MARILYN
Oh, hello, everyone. How are you all doing today? Thank you for coming to Marilyn’s Motivations. As you know, I’ve had my fair share of the “saddies”, that’s what I call being sad.
(giggles)
You are probably all here today because you are sad. I’ve been sad most my life. I hate my family and I don’t have many friends. But when I start to feel the blues I just like to get naked and smile. Other things that I like to do to help me with my “saddies”........
(giggles)
MARILYN (CONT’D)
.....is to drink massive amounts of vodka, eat pills, and lie around for hours. It really is the best way to get ride of those pesky saddies.
(giggles)
MARILYN (CONT’D)
Where can you find these helpful tools you may ask? Well you can go to a liquor store, or a pharmacy but I like to make things easier and just get my gardener to go out and get everything. I’m not sure where he gets it, because last time I think he got Percocet instead of Vicodin, but it’s not his fault, I don’t think he knows how to read, well neither do I for that matter. Oh well, it helps with saddies.
(giggles)
MARILYN (CONT’D)
Now, if none of these tips work and you are still feeling the saddies.
(giggles)
MARILYN (CONT’D)
Try this. Find a political or social figure, sex them up, and sing “Happy Birthday” to them and then deny everything. Not only will you take the heat off you, it’s really fun! Happy Birthday to you.............
(she bats her eyelashes)
MARILYN (CONT’D)
In conclusion........
(she goes and stands beside the air conditioner, her skirt flies up)
MARILYN (CONT’D) .....if you still have a terrible case of the saddies and you don’t know what to do, just kill yourself!
(she bats her eyelashes, looks flirty and tries to hold her dress down).
MARILYN (CONT’D)
Hee, hee, hee!
End.
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