MILLENNIALS

INT. A KITCHEN IN A SUBURB

Mom (67) and Patrick(33) are sitting having breakfast.

MOM
Do you want more breakfast?

PATRICK
No, I’m good.

MOM
Okay. I was reading this really interesting article the other day about this concept called “Millennials”. It’s the name given to children born between the years 1980 and the early 2000’s. They say it’s the generation after generation X and are offspring of the “Baby Boomers”, so that would be you.

Patrick looks confused.

PATRICK
Mom, I like my toast with the crust off.

MOM
Sorry, I always forget.

She fixes her “horrible” error.

MOM (CONT’D)
The article was discussing how this group are prone to narcissism and arrested development.

PATRICK
Oh, cool. Did you record “Breaking Bad” last night?

MOM
Yes. It also talked about how the “Baby Boomers” told their children that they could do whatever they wanted in life, because they never did.

PATRICK
Yeah. Mom, there is pulp in here! I hate pulp.

He stamps his foot.

MOM
As a result of this code instilled in them, these kids who are now adults don’t want to get jobs that they might be little unsatisfied with and would rather live off their parents in the pursuit of their own dreams. Indefinitely.

PATRICK
Oh yeah, I almost forgot, are you gonna come to my mime show on the 17th? I think it’s gonna be a
good one. It took me, like, four months to make the mask.

MOM
I actually made it for you, but, yes, I will be there.

PATRICK
Sweet. You’re so supportive, and don’t worry, Mom, I am working today. I’m gonna cut Ms. Miller’s hedges. She’s gonna give me like forty bucks. “Grand Theft Auto 5” here I come!

MOM
Uggh. So do you ever hear from Sally? I really liked her.

PATRICK
She’s okay, but all she kept talking about was marriage and babies!

MOM
Well, that’s another thing about the "Millennials". Apparently, they are having children much later in life, if at all.

PATRICK
I hate kids. I mean, I would never want to take care of another human being.

MOM
It might be something really great, and you might really like it.

PATRICK
No.

MOM
Well, this article also said that the “Baby Boomers” never set any boundaries with their kids and so now all these “adults” are just really big children living off their parents.

PATRICK
What are you saying?

MOM
Nothing, I just think that you’re 33 now, and it might be time to get your own place.

PATRICK
Mom, you know I can’t support myself just on my miming!

MOM
Right, so maybe you could get an office job or something.

PATRICK
Mom, if I had an office job, when would I have time to create.

MOM
Well, on the weekends.

PATRICK
Yeah, right! Like that’s enough time.

MOM
Okay, well, I think you should think about it.

PATRICK
I can’t believe you are being so harsh!

MOM
I just want you to be realistic about your future.

PATRICK
I am.

Patrick grabs his security blanket (that he got for his third birthday. It has ducks and chocolate milk stains on it) and storms off.

MOM
Honey, finish your breakfast. I will be up in a minute to rub your back. I just need to finish paying your student loan bill and making your bed.

End.