Spinning Eighties

INT. A SPIN CLASS ON THE UPPER EAST SIDE.

The room has a black light.

KIM
Oh Wow! Should I have brought some florescent clothing?

DEBBIE
No, it’s not required but it does make you feel like you’re in the Eighties.

KIM
Do I want to feel like that?

DEBBIE
Oh, Kim. Just relax, this is such a fun class you’ll love it.

The teacher, Jane Fonda, walks in. She is wearing head to toe florescent and has her hair bumped up, she puts out a cigarette.

KIM
Did the teacher just put out a cigarette?

JANE
HI ALL! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?

EVERYONE
WOO HOO.

JANE
Now remember, if you want to grab a soda before we begin, there are some in the fridge. I recommend the Cherry Coke, it really gets the juices flowing. Okay let’s get this party started.

EVERYONE
YEAH!

KIM
Yes?

They start peddling on the bikes.

JANE
Okay, let’s go a little faster, we don’t want to look fat in those shoulder pads ladies.

KIM
Shoulder pads?

Jane then puts on the black light and mirror ball.

JANE
Keep spinning, and if you want to get to know your neighbor sexually, go for it, this is how we burn even more calories.

KIM
What, sexually?

DEBBIE
Oh relax, it’s called swinging. Everyone’s doing it.

KIM
What? No there not. That can lead to some really devastating relationship issues.

JANE
Okay, now we are about half way through the class, so if you need a little bump go for it.

KIM
What? Drugs?

DEBBIE
Nothing too hard, just a little coke.

KIM
This is horrible, I’m leaving.

DEBBIE
Come on everyone’s doing it, look over there, Zach’s rolling.

KIM
Zach?

DEBIIE
Morris, come on get into this Kim.

JANE
Oh no, Jim are you having a heart attack?

KIM
Oh God, someone call 911.

Jane, does CPR.

DEBBIE
Don’t worry this happens every class, he just needs to lie on the floor for a few minutes. He’ll be fine.

KIM
I’m leaving.

DEBBIE
Suit yourself, we haven’t even gotten to the Madonna Mash Up.

Kim walks out. She passes a four year old talking into his cell phone, a Starbucks, a juice bar and gluten free bakery.

KIM
Uggh.

End.