A group of girls are a little tipsy, a little silly and a lot flirty.
ANNA
Okay, gather around, we have a very special treat for everyone.
SUSAN
I think I know what this is.
ANNA
Yes!!! STRIPPER TIME!!! So grab your champs, cause here comes R.J.!!!
R.J is hot, like can’t look directly at him hot. He is wearing a small loin cloth but it aint hiding nothing. He seems a bit shy and reserved, but ready for a good time.
R.J.
Ladies.
PAMELA
That’s what I’m talking about. Do you live in the gym? My God. Hot bod!
ANNA
Ok, Pam, settle down.
R.J.
Now remember the rules ladies, no touching, texting, or facebooking during the show!
Everyone nods.
ANNA
Okay, let’s do this!
R.J Drops the loin, revealing his naked body.
THE GIRLS
Oooohhhh!!!! Yessssss!!!!!OMG!!!1
R.J. puts the music on and starts doing some sexy poses.
ANNA
I love you!
Suddenly, the sexy stripper music stops and the theme song to Seinfeld comes on. The women are confused. R.J. drops his pose and stands like a normal person. The ladies at this point are still enthralled with his nudity.
R.J.
What’s the deal with Miley Cyrus?
PAMELA
What? Umm, okay, well I think she’s a little misguided.
R.J.
Yeah, I guess now she’s Hannah Slutanna! Am I right, ladies?
They look at each other confused.
CINDY
Go back to that pose with your arms up.
R.J.
Crowd work, love it! Where are you from. Let me guess. Jersey?
CINDY
Well yeah.
R.J.
Funny thing about Jersey, the Governor is so fat that we can all hide under his fupa if there’s another
hurricane!
The mood is totally changed.
CINDY
What’s fupa?
ANNA
(angrily) Fat Upper Pubic Area
The girls all check out their fupas.
ANNA (CONT’D)
That’s really not funny, my aunt lost everything in Hurricane Sandy.
R.J. quickly gets his tape recorder (that was hidden in the loin cloth) and talks into it.
R.J.
Hurricane jokes, too soon. Great note, thanks!
PAMELA
What is this, I did not pay $200 for a stripper to talk so much.
R.J.
Okay you’d rather me do some character work, great, I have a few impressions.
R.J. tilts his head Robert Deniro style.
PAMELA
What is he doing , role play?
R.J.
You talking to me?
ANNA
Yeah, I’m talking to you!
She gets a little too close.
R.J.
No touching, and that’s not an ‘Arrested Development’ reference for all you nerds out there.
R.J. is chuckling to himself. The girls are annoyed and frustrated.
CINDY
What IS he talking about?
R.J.
You talking to me? You talking me?
He reaches for the straw out the bride’s drink and uses it as a toothpick.
CINDY
This is crazy. Pam, I think we should get our money back.
R.J.
Aren’t you enjoying yourselves? It’s my pleasure to work on my material and I love having a audience. Doing it this way I don’t have to rent space. It’s so expensive these days.
ANNA
So you want to be a stand up?
R.J.
Correction, I am a stand-up. I just strip to pay for improv classes. 400 bucks a pop now!
Anna begins to cry. R.J., still naked, comes over and sits beside her.
R.J. (CONT’D)
Don’t cry, I have some Louis C.K. type stuff I could try.
End.
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